What I’ve learned during my chaotic year post-lay-off

On October 16, 2023, I was let go from my job. Let’s be real, I was fired.

What followed was a year of growth, death, learning, and living. 

And let me be clear: I’m proud of what followed.

I started my own company and helped a buddy build his own. I got insurance licenses. I organized a turkey bowl for Dads and their kids. I spent quality time with my Dad through his final months and honored him with a beautiful celebration of life. I sought people to hug on World Kindness Day, and PR’d a half marathon by one hour and eight minutes. I ran with friends for the first time ever. I took my daughter to her first dance. I listened to 22 audiobooks, grew a garden, and was a guest on two podcasts. I reconnected with old friends and made new ones. I participate in weekly meetings comprised of fathers living life and working through its many obstacles. I even grew medicine. I helped the community. Most importantly, I’ve built stronger relationships with my wife, daughters, and family members. 

With all that happening, writing anything has been hard for some time. I’ve felt voiceless, unmotivated, and uninspired. Honestly, I miss my Dad a lot. He was my best friend.

As a motivation, Sonya got me to start thinking about how stressed I felt a year ago. The cortisol was pumping through my veins. That chill on your neck and your stomach knots when you realize you’re alone. While my stomach might still knot up over a pitch, I am holding my own FOR MY OWN as things are looking up. 

This practice really helped me realize how far I’ve traveled. Here are some of the things I’ve learned along the way, including a playlist of songs that scored the year.

Kindness is a Survival Skill

While watching The Wild Robot, I heard the line perfectly sums up this mission to help motivate and encourage people to live a kinder life. I’m not blind to the fact that this last year has been more accessible because of the kindness of many people. Some I’ve known for years and others mere months. They each did something very unique to help throughout these times. Their kindness ensured my survival. Sonya, Nick, Ben, Sharon, Steve, KC, Vladimir, Ashley, Susan, Jared, Amy, Xavier, Valdese, Sarah, Dr. JB, Jimmy, Tiffany, Sabrina, Jim, Chelsea, Steve, Ali, Brian, Chadd, Trey, Sandra, Kenny, Carlos, Alex, and the “Dads in the trenches”: Thank you, a million times.

You need to be ENOUGH because YOU ARE ALONE.

I struggled the first few months with the fact that I was doing everything alone. “How does this email sound? Does this even make sense?”

True friends will be there to bend an ear, but they can’t do it all. It usually doesn’t make sense to someone who hasn’t been through it all. YOU are the litmus test for what goes and stays. It’s not always easy; confidence has much to do with it. We have to be our own champions always, so strut your stuff. Unless you get paid when laid off, you likely won’t have much capital to start with. If you’re anything like me, there are other mouths to feed, too. Spending money to have things created is a LUXURY that doesn’t always pay off. It’s yours. Make it yourself. Being alone is ok. Remember you’re the heartbeat. Without you, the idea is a directionless ship. And by all means, fantasize and dream. You’re going to need it. 

Your home base support system matters.

I can’t imagine doing this without Sonya. I would lie in bed, drowning in my thoughts of inadequacy and bills, while Sonya would look me dead in the eyes and say: “I’m not worried about this at all. I believe it’ll all work out.” It’s one thing to say that and another to follow. She could have pressured me into another job; I’ve heard plenty of stories like it. Sonya has always been different, and I appreciate it. She knows how to kick-start my internal hyperdrive. It must be hard for a spouse not to listen to their worries and concerns brewing up internally. She never made it about her. She listened. She’d push back; we’d discuss; it was constructive. My tip here: be that spouse for the people around you…..always. Be the first believer. It’ll make a world of difference, I promise you. 

Life doesn’t stop, neither can you. Enjoy it

You don’t get a reprieve from life’s headwinds. When it rains, it pours, and the storms keep rolling in. My Dad and I would speak every day until May, when he died. He was mainly hammering me about finding a job and hated seeing his kids struggle. I remember how happy and proud he was when the first sales contracts for Coach Kind were coming back signed. My Dad taught me sales. I grew up going on insurance sales calls with him. He liked how the contracts were returned and signed quickly; it’s a great sign. It’s a moment I’ll remember forever. We were at an infusion appointment, and he was feeling weak. He died less than a month later. If I weren’t passionate about the mission, I would have told any employer to kick rocks for a few months. This hurt. But since it’s mine, I gladly get up every morning to bring kindness up and miscommunication down. 

You can’t score on every play, but you better score on every drive. 

Man, I FELT that when writing it. There is truth there. It is Efficient production. If I’ve learned anything during my time in sports, you must have a diversified offense that can strike from any angle. Be that offense. Don’t find one thing, find 5 or 6. Start widdling down your options until you have a few ideas to earn. Diversify. You don’t need to replace your income with one thing. Having multiple income streams, no matter how small is the goal. Focus on the activities that earn results and point all your energy there. Plenty of people need “help that helps,” and you are the person who can provide it to them. Look around. Be kind and light up the scoreboard. 

Open up during conversations.

People checked in on me that I hadn’t spoken to in years. The catch-up convos can be fun, but then comes the inevitable question: “What’s next?” Who is buying what you’re selling? The good friends will press you for an answer and challenge what sounds shotty or hopeless. They will also steer you toward your strengths. Some of us can’t see what makes us unique, but others can easily see it. Regardless of how obvious your traits are, your good friends will remind you of who the F you are. If enough people steer you in a direction, you have something to explore.

It’s never going to be perfect.

Life and self-employment are riddled with messy complications. There is always something else getting in the way. Computers breaking, integrations not working, sick kids, hurricanes, root canals, etc. Don’t wait for a row of green lights to act. You need to start somewhere. So start. 

Oct 2023- Oct 2024 Playlist

  1. Yellow Brick Road – Elton John
  2. The Door – Teddy Swims
  3. Moment of Clarity – Jay Z
  4. Runaway – Kanye West
  5. Great Big Storm – Nate Ruess
  6. Plastic Bag – Ed Sheeran
  7. Hold on Tight – Electric Light Orchestra
  8. Come and Get Your Love – Redbone
  9. Holdin’ my own – Eric Church
  10. Livin’ Thing – Electric Light Orchestra 
  11. Yo Vivire – Celia Cruz
  12. Someone to You – BANNERS
  13. Have You Ever Seen the Rain – Creedence Clearwater Revival
  14. My First Song – Jay Z
  15. I’m still standing – Elton John
  16. If I can dream – Elvis Presley

What I’m going to be focusing on over these next 12 months:
-Finding kindness
-Helping families find togetherness
-Developing managers into leaders
-Improving team dynamics
-Being creative through self-expression

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